


Is That A Wand In Your Pocket Or?

by reptilianraven



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Baker Derek, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Single Parent Derek, but also Magician Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 03:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2413055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reptilianraven/pseuds/reptilianraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So a little bird told me you’ve got the hots for the kiddie magician at Jamie’s birthday party.” Laura says. “And when I say little bird, I mean Erica and Allison. They’re telling me you were all over this guy.”</p>
<p>Derek breathes in, then out, as he tries to suppress the urge to lob these loaves of rye bread at her head. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>The one where Stiles is a magician who performs at kid's birthday parties and Derek is a shy single dad baker who <i>can't stop seeing Stiles everywhere</i>. There are also dead bodies popping up every other day, but Stiles really doesn't need to know about that, so naturally, Stiles pops up at the crime scenes too. Fantastic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is That A Wand In Your Pocket Or?

**Author's Note:**

> this is a birthday gift to my best friend, the light of my life, my sun and stars, the reason why i dont eat food from the floor, jasey. happy 16th dude, heres some singledad!derek, magic/magician!stiles, alive!laura and a bunch of other tropes i think you like. sorry if u find 500 grammatical errors in here, i wrote this thing in two days and you are a metal detector when it comes to my grammatical disasters. whatever. ilu and have fun getting old, u nerd.
> 
> you can check out jase on her main tumblr at [invisibleblubber](http://invisibleblubber.tumblr.com/) or her teen wolf blog at [nuggetsune](http://nuggetsune.tumblr.com/).
> 
> originally, this was supposed to be a no magic, human au. but i was never known for my ability to stay away from the weird. so heres this. enjoy!!

Laura’s car drives up, tires crunching against the ground, just a few seconds before Derek was tempted to text her for the seventh time this evening.

“Grace is fine,” Laura says the moment she gets out of the car, waving Derek off. “She’s ecstatic, safe, and finally, asleep. I’m late because the sleep part took a while, you know how she gets when she has sleepovers with Jamie. They just bounce all over the place.”

“It’ll be hell to pry them apart in the future,” Derek tells her, feeling the tension slip out of his body. Safe. That’s what is important. The Argent-McCall household is the safest place in this entire town thanks to the Argent’s arsenal. 

“Hey,” Scott greets them when he comes through the tree line. “We better get going. It’s, uh, up ahead, and I think the Sheriff’s department will be here soon.” 

“Alright, let’s go boys.” Laura says, walking ahead.

They walk through the preserve until the undoubted, overwhelming smell of blood and death begins to cloud the air, making Derek’s nose scrunch. Just a few meters away from where they’re standing is a dead body tied to a tree. His blood is steadily dripping to the ground, staining dirt and dried leaves.

“This is the third one,” Laura sighs. “What’s that thing the Sheriff always says? Once is a coincidence, twice is an incident, and three times is—”

“A pattern,” Derek finishes. 

“What’s a fourth?” Scott asks.

“A reason to panic, probably.” Derek tells him.

“Well, we’re hoping that we don’t get to a fourth.” Laura says. “Do you guys know if the victims had any similarities?”

“At first, I thought they’d all be teens, like the first two,” Scott starts. “But this guy is in his late twenties. I know him from the vet’s office.”

“So essentially, we’ve got no pattern,” Derek says. “We also don’t have any conclusive evidence that this is a supernatural problem.”

“It is,” Laura says, not an ounce of doubt in her tone. “This isn’t just some serial killer, it’s something else. I don’t know how I know it, but I do.”

Derek and Scott just nod. They know well enough that every time Laura’s got feelings like this, she’s never wrong. 

“Should we get Chris and Allison involved?” Derek asks her.

“I think we can save that for when we need the big guns. First, we need to figure out who’s doing this.” She tells him.

“I’ve already called Deaton,” Scott says. “He says not to worry about anything, but that’s like, what he always says. So I’ve also called in a friend who knows stuff about magic. Apparently, this stuff looks magick-y to him.”

Derek rolls his eyes. If Scott’s friend is anything like Deaton, cryptic and only vaguely helpful, then he’d rather they just not come here. Emissaries might be useful, but they’re quite possibly one of the more annoying people Derek’s had the displeasure of meeting.

Laura and Scott’s heads turn to the side. Alpha hearing was always a bit more sensitive.

“Time to skedaddle, the cops are here.” Laura says.

“You guys are still coming to Jamie’s birthday party right?” Scott asks as they walk back to where they’re parked. 

“Of course,” Derek says. “Grace would kill me if we didn’t go.”

“I can’t go, and it’s terrible.” Laura pouts.

“I promise I’ll take a picture of Derek in a party hat for you.” Scott tells her.

“No, you won’t.” Derek says at the same time Laura says, “You’re the greatest.”

They hear the sound of patrol cars coming closer and closer and they save this for later. They break into a run.

\---

It’s not that Derek hates parties, it’s just that he doesn’t know how to act at parties.

He was never invited to any parties when he was in high school. After that, it was just a whirlwind of tragedy and death. Then he got Grace, and he didn’t have time for anything that wasn’t her. Of course, ever since he and Laura came back to Beacon Hills, and Derek became the ‘hot new single dad’, he was a prime target for getting invited to awkward adult gatherings and housewarming parties. He only ever accepted one of those invitations and he came back home with a newfound fear for how aggressively single mothers could flirt.

It’s not _his_ fault he’s not good at being social. Derek’s social life is limited to Grace and Laura and the rest of his pack, along with Scott and his pack too. That’s more than enough for him. 

He’s not overly fond of other people, but he doesn’t hate them or anything. People are tolerable. He can also endure crowds at times too. It’s just that people in gatherings always want to _talk_. He’s not good at conversations. Comments about the weather, opinions on mundane current events, the obligatory relationship inquiries. He doesn’t understand how people do it. He just ends up shrugging and grunting a lot.

He figured he’d get better with age, like making small talk was just a skill that would pop up in your brain right around the time you’d figure out how to balance a checkbook. But here he is years later at a children’s birthday party. An adult man with full knowledge of how to keep track of his finances, and yet—

“Really, Derek.” Nikki? Nicole? says, leaning into his personal space. Derek leans back into the kitchen counter behind him “I’m surprised I never see you at the gym. You look like you work out.”

Derek takes a deep breath. Conversations are one thing, but flirting is a whole other level of ‘things Derek never really learned how to do’. 

“I run sometimes.” He says and Probably Nicole sighs dreamily. He’s making the situation worse. “In the woods. Where there are no people around.”

“That’s wonderful. But you should pass by the gym sometimes. Have I told you that I’m a yoga instructor there?” Yes, she has. Around seven times. “You should sign up.”

“Thank you, but uh. No thanks. Really. I’ve got work.”

Probably Nicole laughs like he just said something absolutely hilarious and she places her hand against the kitchen counter behind him. Fuck. Red alert. 

“I’m sure you can find some time to unwind? You’re always working so hard with Grace, single parenting is hard I understand. You should relax. Plus I know some ladies at my yoga class who would just love to have you—”

“Derek!” Erica announces when she gets into the kitchen. She loops her arm around his and Probably Nicole backs off. “Sorry, the bathroom was occupied and by the time I was coming back there was a magic show happening in the living room and the magician is _hot_.” She smiles, and it is terrifying. 

“I’ll talk to you later Derek.” Probably Nicole says before heading out with her friend, Jess? Julia? Jennifer? to the backyard. Derek has never been happier with Erica’s terrifying smile.

“I thought she’d never leave.” He tells her.

“I was gone for five minutes, you marshmallow.” She laughs. 

Derek groans. “You wouldn’t understand, you’re engaged. You don’t get flirted with anymore. Half the town is terrified of Boyd coming after them and the other half is terrified of you.”

“Yeah and you’re catnip to the entire single population of Beacon Hills. Don’t worry I’ll protect you.” She smirks. “Can you blame them though? You’re a great, good looking dad, with a great, good looking ass. I can see why some moms would want to see you in yoga pants.”

“Don’t objectify me.” He huffs. “There are kids around, it’s inappropriate.”

“I’m being very appropriate, Derek. It’s you who’s wearing the tight, ass accentuating pants right now.” Erica says. “Absolutely obscene. Why are you wearing such tight pants? How can walk? How can you _breathe?_ ”

“There’s nothing wrong with my pants.” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Erica tells him. “Speaking of night, last night particularly—”

“No,” He says firmly.

“Chill, Tightpants, I’m not asking to get involved. You and Laura obviously won’t let any of us get involved, and bribing Scott is just a dead end every time. Even Isaac couldn’t get him to come around. _Isaac_ ” She rolls her eyes. “I just wanna know what happened.”

“We found another body.” 

Erica is looking at him, waiting for more. “And?”

“And that’s it. If you think we know more than the police does, you’re wrong.” He sighs. “We don’t know anything other from the fact that there’s some crazy person out there killing people.”

“So what’s your game plan?”

“Right now? Nothing. Scott says he’s got a friend who thinks this has something to do with magic, though. I guess we’ll get a lead when they see it for themselves.” Derek tells her right as a little boy walks into the kitchen, looks at him for a second, and then runs out in terror. “Why do kids keep on doing that?” 

“When you’re frustrated, you make this face that reminds kids of the monsters under the bed. I think that was the second kid you scared off today. Careful, three strikes and you’re out. Scott will be forced to kick you out of his house.” Single mothers are flirting with him and their children are afraid of them. He’s making himself a wonderful reputation. “It’s a good thing Grace finds your child scaring tendencies funny because she’s scary too.” Erica adds.

“Grace is not scary.” Derek says protectively. “She just has a fierce personality.”

As if on cue, a kid runs out of the living room screaming bloody murder with Grace right on their heels letting out a war cry, waving around a balloon sword with great enthusiasm.

“Well, fierce sure is one word for it.” Erica says. “She’s a menace to anybody who isn’t Jamie. She’ll make a great werewolf.”

“We’re not sure if she’s gonna be a werewolf. She hasn’t shifted yet.” Derek says. It’s still a bit early to see signs, but the first shift should be happening at this time if she’s a werewolf. 

Grace chases the kid, and as she runs in front of Derek, he swoops her up into his arms. 

“Hi Daddy,” She smiles and Derek nearly forgets that he’s supposed to be reprimanding her.

“Hey there, honey.” He says. “Stop chasing kids around. You’re being mean.”

Right then, the fury in Grace’s eyes ignites. She’ll make an absolutely terrifying werewolf. “But he popped Jamie’s balloon dog!”

“Don’t worry, Stiles made him another one.” Scott says, ushering Jamie into the kitchen while he clutches his balloon to his chest like a lifeline. There’s a man trailing behind Scott, and well, holy shit. 

He’s a little taller than Scott, with bright brown eyes and a megawatt smile. He’s wearing a top hat and black vest which should make him look pretentious, but instead, the vest just accentuates his shoulders and waist. Next to him, Erica whistles. He elbows her in the ribs.

“Cool, can you make me another sword?” Grace asks him.

“Well, I don’t know. Magic is super tiring kiddo,” He says and Derek notices that there is an actual cockatiel happily perched on his shoulder. “But since you asked so nicely,” He reaches behind Grace’s head and pulls out an entire balloon sword out of _nowhere._ Derek is impressed. Usually, sleights of hand don’t get past him.

“How did you do that?” Grace asks in awe as he hands her the sword. She starts bouncing in excitement and Derek sets her down.

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” He smirks, eyes scanning over Derek for a second. _Fuck._

“Erica, Derek, this is my best friend, Stiles.” Scott slaps Stiles on the back. 

“Nice to meet you guys,” Stiles says.

“Anyways, we’re just about to cut the cake.” Scott says. “So if anybody wants some, just follow me.”

Jamie and Grace follow Scott out of the kitchen, and Erica, the traitor, does too. 

“Where are you going?” Derek grabs her wrist, still afraid of the looming threat of Probably Nicole.

“Cake, duh.” She says, but there’s this mischievous glint in her eyes. “Don’t worry, you’ve got Stiles to keep you company.” 

“She’s a bit of a schemer isn’t she,” Stiles tells him, watching Erica walk away. “Although, according to Scott’s rundown of what I’ve missed in this town, Erica, is decidedly not your wife, since Vernon Boyd would have killed you if that were so.”

“She’s a good friend of mine,” Derek says.

“A good friend who also doubles as single mom deterrent?” Stiles grins. “Believe me, I’d get some arm candy too if I looked like you, man. Like, wow.”

Derek ducks his head and he hopes he isn’t blushing because he’s being _flirted_ with. The only difference is that now, it’s probably ten times worse than usual because he’s not against it happening. He actually wants to flirt back.

“Uh, thanks, I guess.” He ends up saying. _Terrible_.

“So who’s the lucky lady who managed to score you?” Stiles asks.

“There’s nobody. Well, not anymore.”

“Oh,” Stiles says, face falling with concern. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“No! She’s not _dead_ or anything.” He amends. He’s a fucking disaster. 

“Oh geez, sorry I assumed.” Stiles winces. “I haven’t been back in town in like, forever, so I really don’t know about what’s currently going on.”

“What brought you back?”

“Work,” He says. “Not the magic show, that’s a side thing. I’m sort of a private investigator, if you will. I pretty much go wherever there’s a job.”

A loud crash sounds from the living room, followed by a fluttering and cooing and the sounds of children screaming.

“Fuck. There’s a snake in one of those cages,” Stiles says. “It was really nice meeting you but I gotta go and make sure nobody steals my rabbit or something.”

“Alright,” Derek says, trying his best to keep his disappointment out of his voice. “See you around I guess?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Stiles smiles. “Bye.”

\---

Here’s how it went.

The fire killed most of Derek’s family, leaving only him, Laura, and Peter. He and Laura leave Peter in Beacon Hills while they go and live in New York, only to come back a few years later when Derek is twenty and Laura is twenty two, when she gets news that some passing alpha went through Beacon Hills and bit a teenager. 

Derek knew what she was thinking. The thought of a wolf alone with no guidance, along with the want for pack is what brought them back. When they arrive, it turns out Peter is no longer a vegetable, but also out of his mind with rage and bloodlust. He tries to kill Laura, but in the end, Laura kills him. 

The kid, Scott McCall, only eighteen at the time, doesn’t want to be a part of any pack, but they teach him anyways. Scott ends up telling a few other kids in his grade about the wonders of being a werewolf, and that’s how they got Isaac, Boyd, and Erica. 

He re-meets Paige in a grocery store one day. She’s something before the fire that doesn’t send him into a spiral of guilt, and they hook up, for old time’s sake. But since not many things in Derek’s life goes according to plan, Paige gets pregnant. She says she doesn’t want a kid, but she doesn’t want an abortion, so she thinks about giving her up to adoption when Derek says she’ll take her. Now, Grace is one of the best things in his life.

After that, things get quieter. Years aren't marked by blood or death, but instead by mundane everyday events. Paige goes abroad to study music. He and Laura set up a bakery in town. Scott marries Allison, creating one of the most stable werewolf-hunter alliances ever seen. They have Jamie. Scott becomes an alpha all on his own. Isaac publishes a halfway decent poetry book. Boyd proposes to Erica. 

Despite the dramatic beginnings, things have turned out pretty great.

\---

“So a little bird told me you’ve got the hots for the kiddie magician at Jamie’s birthday party.” Laura says. “And when I say little bird, I mean Erica and Allison. They’re telling me you were all over this guy.”

Derek breathes in, then out, as he tries to suppress the urge to lob these loaves of rye bread at her head. He succeeds and sets them into a rack to cool.

“His name’s Stiles right?” She teases him. “What the hell did he do to make you, of all people, blush? Did he hold his wand the right way or something?”

“You’re an awful person.” He tells her.

“I went to high school with him,” Erica says from the counter. “He was in our grade but then he graduated early and just disappeared.” She hums. “I can see why you like him though. He’s _lithe_.”

“Awful people. All of you.” He says.

“Did you at least get his number?” Laura asks.

“No? Was I supposed to?”

“Oh my god, you’re hopeless.” Laura groans. 

“When was the last time you even got laid, Derek?” Erica asks.

“None of your business.” He grunts.

“Derek is pledging celibacy until Grace can break somebody’s neck.” Laura says.

“Frankly, I think Grace is capable of that already.” A very familiar voice says.

Derek whips his head up so hard he thinks he’s got whiplash to see Stiles, rocking back and forth on his feet, in front of the bakery display. Derek isn’t surprised so much at Stiles’ presence, they’re a pretty known bakery in town, but more on the fact that Derek didn’t hear Stiles come in the shop at all. A quick glance to Laura and Erica confirm that they’re thinking the same thing.

“Hi,” Derek says.

“Hey, Derek. I didn’t know you worked here.” Stiles tells him. “My dad loves your cinnamon rolls way too much for his own good. Next time he comes here, just give him wheat bread or something.”

“The Sheriff is one of our biggest customers, we can’t turn him away because his son bats his eyelashes at us.” Erica grins.

“Alright, alright. I guess I’ll take matters into my own hands.” He says, eyes falling on Derek, staying there. “This sort of makes sense.”

“What makes sense?” Derek asks.

“You. Working here.” Stiles says. “You’ve got these intense arm muscles. It’s probably from, you know, dough pounding or something.”

“There’s something else he’d want to be pounding,” Laura whispers, quiet enough that Stiles wouldn’t catch it. Derek stomps on her foot. “Hey!”

Stiles looks between the two of them. “Did I miss something?”

“Nothing,” He says gruffly. “This is my sister, Laura. My advice is that you ignore her forever.”

“Don’t listen to him, I’m an angel.” Laura says. “You’re a magician right? Mind giving us a sample?”

“Oh, well, I haven’t got any of my stuff.” Stiles gestures to himself. Vest, top hat, and cockatiel gone, replaced instead with a jacket over some plaid. “I _can_ do some hand reading though.”

Erica grabs his arm and shoves it in Stiles’ direction. Derek has no idea when these people had taken control over his life.

“And we have a wonderful volunteer,” Stiles laughs, taking Derek’s wrist in his hand, turning it so that he can see his palm. “See this?” He trails his finger against a line on his palm, sending a shiver down Derek’s spine. “It’s a sign of distraction, or well, poor spatial awareness.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Derek asks.

“It means I totally just stole your watch,” Stiles raises his other hand, holding the watch Derek was just wearing on the hand Stiles is holding. “And you didn’t notice at all.”

“Holy shit,” Laura whistles as Stiles gives him his watch back. “That was pretty good. Usually sleights of hand don’t get past us.”

“They never get past us,” Derek says.

“Gotta have quick fingers to be a magician,” Stiles smiles innocently. “Anyways, since I’ve demonstrated how I could probably pickpocket all of your wallets, I’d like to buy something so that you don’t completely lose all your trust for me. What’s good here?”

“A batch of cinnamon rolls just cooled,” Erica suggests. 

“Sure, I’ll get a box of those.” Stiles says as Derek leaves to get a box.

When Derek returns, he is one hundred percent sure that Erica Reyes is probably the devil, because she’s handing Stiles a sample spoon of cream cheese icing over the counter. Since Stiles does not seem to know how to do things without being incredibly suggestive, he licks the icing off the spoon before _moaning_ in pleasure. Derek is done. He’s just, done.

“Okay, definitely extra icing.” Stiles tells Erica. “Geez, I don’t think I can tell my dad off for loving this stuff in good conscience anymore.”

“Here,” Derek gives him a paper bag with the box and an extra container of icing.

“Alright,” Stiles says after paying. “Bye, guys.”

“Bye,” Derek says.

Stiles leaves and Laura smiles dreamily at Derek before saying, “You’re so gone.”

“No I’m not.” He huffs.

“You still didn’t get his number,” Erica tells him and ducks before he could slap her on the back of her head.

\---

The fourth body is a teacher. Her blood is painted on the Beacon Hills High School sign.

“Reason to panic?” Scott recites.

“This is getting out of hand, but no panicking.” Laura tells them. “How’s that magic contact of yours doing, Scott?”

“He thinks it’s human sacrifice.” Scott says. “The first three were virgins, and the next groups of three will have a certain trait tying them together too.”

“Human sacrifice for what though?” Derek asks. “If it’s a spell, it can’t be good if it needs _human sacrifice_. Maybe the Argent’s bestiary might have something.”

“He says you won’t find anything in there.” Scott says and Derek raises an eyebrow. “Uh, the bestiary actually has this huge inconclusive chunk of data when it comes to magic. Probably because anybody who uses magic is pretty good at not saying useful stuff.”

“I noticed,” Derek rolls his eyes. “So what do we do?”

“We let the humans investigate while we try to figure out what kind of spell is being cast here,” Laura says. “Since it’s probably magic, whoever is doing it did a real good job of covering their tracks, so no jumping to conclusions. Until we've got some real evidence, we’ll just deal with this like how the rest of the town is dealing with it; lock your doors and windows at night and make sure you don’t get killed.”

\---

Derek is the worst person ever.

He’s lost his six year old daughter in the grocery store. 

There is a crazed murderer on the loose and he’s _lost his daughter in the grocery store._

He honestly does not know how this has happened. She was sitting inside the cart. He just took his eyes off of her for a second to compare the prices of two brands of sun dried tomatoes and then he turns around to see an empty cart. His daughter, who probably isn’t even a werewolf, has _parkoured_ out of the grocery cart stealthily enough that Derek didn’t even hear it.

So just to recap, Derek is the worst.

He tunes in to every sound in the grocery store, sighing in relief when he hears her voice a few aisles over.

“—and he makes the greatest banana muffins and he does the voices when he reads books to me.” He hears her say as he turns into the aisle.

He sees Grace, and next to her, Stiles is diligently letting her talk his ear off, grocery basket hanging off his hand. Of course, Derek didn’t hear Stiles presence yet again. He thinks he's getting used to it.

“Derek,” Stiles says when he sees him. 

“Daddy!” Grace comes running at his feet. 

“Grace, honey.” Derek crouches down. “How did you get out of the cart? You know you’re not supposed to be wandering around places without me.”

“It’s okay, Mr. Stiles found me.” She says.

“I’m really sorry if we bothered you, Stiles.” Derek looks up at him.

“Nah, it’s alright.” Stiles smiles easily. “I was enjoying hearing about how you’re the best dad ever.”

“He is,” Grace insists before Derek can get a word in edgewise. “But don’t worry. You’re the best magician. Can you do a magic trick? Can you make your bird turn into a cat again?”

“My wonderful assistant is at home, kid.” Stiles tells her, incredibly solemn, as Derek stands. “I do have these, though!” He says, pulling an entire deck of cards out of his jacket sleeve.

“Why do you just have those in there?” Derek asks in disbelief.

“Always be prepared.” He says, spreading the cards out in his hands for Derek to see. “Pick a card, any card.”

Derek follows, taking the two of hearts from the deck.

“Okay, just fold that up and put it in your pocket or something.” Stiles says and Derek plays along, folding the card in half and putting it in his pocket. Stiles shuffles the deck and picks a card out, holding it out for Derek. A two of hearts. “Is this your card?”

“Huh, yeah it is.” Derek says, impressed. “But then what’s—” He fishes out the card he put in his pocket, only to unfold it to see that it’s just a piece of paper with a phone number on it.

“I don’t get it,” Grace says.

“You can keep that,” Stiles tells him. “That’s my number.”

“Oh,” Derek says eloquently.

“It’s just, Grace told me her birthday was this month.” Stiles says quickly. “So, uh, just in case you want some magic in your life. Give me a call. Or give me a call anytime. I’m totally fine either way.”

“Thanks,” He tells him. 

“Alright, then I’ll just, get going.” Stiles says. “It was nice seeing you guys.”

“You too.” Derek says.

“What the hell happened at the grocery store, Der.” Laura says a few hours after the encounter. They’re in Grace’s room sitting in tiny pink chairs while Grace pours them imaginary tea into tiny teacups. Laura is looking at him like she knows something he doesn’t and it is frightening. He doesn’t understand how she can look that intimidating when she’s sitting next to a stuffed giraffe.

“Nothing, why?” Derek says as Grace sets her toy teapot down. 

“You smell disgustingly happy and fluffy,” Laura says, sipping at her imaginary tea. “It’s weird since your face looks like you have some really bad bowel pains or something.”

“We met Mr. Stiles in the grocery store.” Grace tells her.

“Did you, now?” Laura leers at him.

“Yeah,” Grace says. “He did this weird card trick and gave Daddy his number so that he can do magic tricks at my birthday party. Stay here, I’m gonna get another guest.” Grace says before she walks out of the room.

“You got his number!” Laura says once Grace is out of the room. “This is great. You’re capable of social interaction. Congratulations.”

“I didn’t even do anything,” He mumbles. “He just gave it to me.”

“Did you text him?”

“No.”

“Oh my god, text him.” 

“What about? Grace’s birthday?”

“Yeah that too, but, god, you’re hopeless.” Laura sighs. “He gave you his _number_ , Derek. He’s into you and your weird, awkward, gruff attitude thing. Text him. Flirt with him. Have fun.”

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“What, have fun?” Laura jokes. “Seriously, it’s not that hard. Just relax. Start simple. Ask him about Grace’s birthday.”

Derek pulls out his phone and starts typing.

_To Stiles_  
 _-Grace’s birthday is on the 6th. Think you can come?_

“Wow, you’re a robot.” Laura says after she grabs Derek’s phone from his hands. “Ooh, he replies fast.”

“Give it back,” Derek reaches for the phone but Laura keeps it out of his reach. He gets out of the tiny pink chair, scrambling over to where Laura is seated. “What did he say?”

_From Stiles_  
 _-sure!! just give me the details!_

“That’s three exclamation points,” Laura says. “Dear god, Derek. Ask him out.”

“But _how?_ ”

“Just go like,” Laura pitches her voice lower. “‘Hey, maybe afterwards we could get some coffee.’”

“It’s not that easy.” Derek grumbles.

“Fine,” She smirks. “Then I’ll do it.” 

“No. Give that back,” Derek tries to grab the phone but Laura dodges as she starts to type. He has no other choice. He tackles her to the ground and the phone clatters out of her evil hands.

“Ow,” She says as Derek looks at his phone.

_To Stiles_  
 _-Aandhdhhgfggg mayeebebebfrgefttattataaataaaaahahsdhggggggggg_

_From Stiles_  
 _-?? u ok?_

_To Stiles_  
 _\- Yeah, sorry. Laura got my phone._

_From Stiles_  
 _-oh lol glad im an only child then_

“He made a joke, what do I do?” Derek asks.

“Geez, you’re just a whole big ball of awkward aren’t you?” Laura rolls her eyes. “Give me the phone.”

“No, I can do this myself.” He says determinedly.

“What’d you say?” She asks.

“I, uh. I just sent a smiley face.”

“Oh my _god_.”

“I’m back,” Grace says as she lugs three more stuffed animals into the room. She looks at the both of them. “What happened?”

“Nothing baby, your daddy’s just got this embarrassing crush.” Laura tells her.

Derek just immerses himself into the tea party, trying to forget everything.

\---

It’s early in the morning, just a little bit after the sun has come up, when Derek likes to jog in the woods. It’s early enough for the air to still be cold and for Derek to not to have to worry about people being around.

That’s when he catches the uncanny scent of blood in the distance.

That’s also when Stiles just appears out of nowhere.

“Oh hey,” Stiles says, stopping in his tracks before he runs right into Derek. “You jog here? Cool. What a coincidence. So cool.”

“Stiles,” He greets in surprise. Derek should probably give up on trying to predict Stiles’ arrival anywhere. None of his senses can pick up anything from him. “What are you doing here?”

“Taking a walk, you know? Enjoying nature.” Stiles smiles nervously. Something is definitely up. “I loved this path when I was kid. Everybody else found it creepy, so nobody would use it. Great privacy.”

“It’s a bit too early for a walk.”

“It’s a bit too early for a jog.” He says right back.

“I don’t like going out when there are people around.” Derek says.

“Fair enough,” Stiles shrugs. “I’ll just be going that way,” He points up the trail. Up where the scent of blood is coming from.

“Uh, maybe you shouldn’t go there.” Derek tries.

“You can’t tell me how to live my life,” Stiles laughs, but behind it, there’s this vibe like he knows what’s up there. That he’s here just for that reason. That he's here to go up and see a dead body. He walks up the trail and it’s too late for Derek to stop him.

Up ahead, there’s a patrol car, the Sheriff, and a few deputies scattered around a section of the preserve cut off by caution tape. In the middle of the section, another dead body is tied to a tree.

“Oh my god,” Stiles says softly, although it doesn’t sound like it’s in shock. It sounds as if seeing a dead body is some small inconvenience for him. “I knew that guy,” Stiles says casually, as if this isn’t something most people would freak out about. “He was my Chemistry teacher back in high school. God, he was a douche.”

He isn’t scared. He just seems to have this aura of ‘oh well, what can you do?’ But then again, it’s hard to tell with Stiles. Derek can’t smell a thing from him. It’s a disconcerting absence.

Derek….doesn’t know how to react to that.

“Yeah, there have been a few murders happening lately.” Derek tells him.

“I know,” Stiles says.

The Sheriff sees them loitering at the sides, and he walks up to them.

“Derek, Stiles.” He greets. “You two should move along, there’s nothing to see here.”

“Actually, there is quite a lot to be seen here, Dad.” Stiles says.

The Sheriff sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Stiles, I’m serious. Move along. This is _my_ job. You don’t get to cause any trouble here.”

“Uh, it might be a little bit of my job too?” Stiles says.

“You can’t be serious,” The Sheriff looks at his son. “Oh geez, you’re serious.”

“What?” Derek says, completely lost. Derek is used to having the upper hand in most conversations, being able to smell emotions and hear lies. But the Sheriff is just irradiating vague irritation and resignation while Stiles is a dead end, as usual.

“Nothing you should worry about.” Stiles tells him. “I’m gonna go now though. I’ve got, uh, work. Bye, Dad, Derek!” And with that, he just walks away.

“I’m sorry but,” Derek turns to the Sheriff. “What?”

“Yeah,” He scratches the back of his head. “He has the effect on people. Go home, Derek.”

The Sheriff walks back to the crime scene as Derek makes his way back to the jogging trail. His mind is so distracted by Stiles and his odd behavior, that he doesn’t notice that he was walking right into a woman. What is with all these people he can’t hear or smell?

“I’m so sorry,” He says, backing up. The woman looks familiar, brown hair and fair skin. 

“Oh no, it’s my fault. I wasn’t looking.” The woman says. This is the friend of Probably Nicole, Derek remembers. Her name starts with a J. Jenna? Julia? Jennifer? “It’s terrible though. The murder. He was my co-worker.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Derek tells Probably Jennifer. “You should really be careful then. Serial killers tend to follow certain patterns, and the last two have been teachers.”

“It’s okay, I think I’ll be safe.” She smiles.

\---

Derek is having coffee after making chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast when Laura screams at the top of her lungs.

“ _Derek get over here!_ ”

“We’re werewolves, you don’t need to shout.” He mumbles to his coffee, getting out of his chair. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Grace.”

He pretty much vaults up the stairs at the moment, skidding over to Grace’s room. His brain is racing, ready for danger or injury. But what he gets instead is Laura looking at Grace, who is just getting up, still in a half-asleep daze, in absolute adoration. 

Grace’s sheets are torn to hell.

“Mornin’” Grace yawns. “Why’re you all here?”

“Grace, baby.” Laura says. “Can you hold out your hands for me?”

Grace follows, brandishing her hands in him and Laura’s direction. At the end of each of her fingers are sharp, wonderful claws.

“I got claws.” Grace says, looking at her hands in curiosity before her face breaks into a grin. “I’ve got _claws_.”

Derek picks her up and his heart swells with pride. "You've got claws, Grace."

“I’m gonna be a wolf like you and Laura?” She asks.

“Yeah you are, honey.” Derek says and Grace just hugs him tighter. Claws poke into his back and it just makes things so much better.

“How do I get them to go back in?” Grace asks.

She ends up eating breakfast with her hands, happily spearing her pancakes with her claws. 

“Don’t worry about getting them back in yet,” Laura ruffles Grace’s hair. “When Derek shifted, he had fangs for three days straight. He had this lisp and it was hilarious.”

“When Laura first shifted, she couldn’t get her eyes to stop flashing.” Derek says. “She was a great nightlight.” Grace giggles and Laura rolls her eyes.

“You’ll probably need some gloves for a while,” Laura says. “Just to make sure that you don’t slice everything you hug.”

“There are some in the garage.” Derek tells her. “I’ll be right back.”

Derek gets out of the house, crossing his porch to open the garage door, and he feels like he’s walking on air. So of course, that’s when somebody, who he can’t hear or smell, turns him around and blows purple powder into his face.

\---

“Derek.” Somebody says in a harsh whisper. His mind is too dazed to reply.

“Derek.” They say louder.

“ _Derek._ ” Somebody kicks him in the side and he groans. He has a splitting headache, his limbs feel tingly, and there is something pressed against him that’s making his skin burn.

“Derek, come on, I know you’re awake so get up.” Somebody says and he opens his eyes. 

Wherever he is, it’s dark and ridiculously dusty. When his eyes adjust a few seconds later, he realizes he’s in some kind of abandoned basement. There are chains around him, tying him to a post. A quick pull on them leaves him feeling weaker, verifying that it has been dipped in some kind of wolfsbane.

“Oh thank god,” Allison says from where she’s tied to a post across him. “Can you get out of those chains?”

“No. It’s wolfsbane,” He says, voice scratchy. “Don’t you have a knife in your boot?”

“She took it,” Allison says. “And the one in my other boot. And the one in my belt.” She sighs. “See what happens when you guys don’t let us get involved? We get kidnapped by crazy ladies.”

“Who?” He asks. 

“Jennifer, the English teacher from the high school.” 

“Her name is actually Jennifer?” He says just as the entrance to the basement opens from above, sending a shower of dust onto them. Actually Jennifer struts in, dragging a woozy, incapacitated, Scott into the basement.

“Good evening, parents.” She grins. “I’m really sorry it had to be this way, but I realized that spacing out the sacrifices just attracted more attention.” She drags Scott over to another post, easily chaining him up. “I figure doing all the sacrifices at once would speed everything up.”

“You’re insane,” Allison hisses. 

“No, I’m not.” Actually Jennifer straightens, voice amused. “I just know that this town is a powerhouse of untapped magic. The Nemeton has been dead for years, and I’ve felt it calling to me. It was calling me to bring it back to its former glory. To sacrifice virgins, philosophers—” Derek tunes her out. The villain speech is just making his head hurt.

“I was supposed to save the guardians for last, but well, all of you were just so convenient,” Derek hears her say. “I’m sorry about your kids, though.”

Derek feels his canines grow in his mouth, claws sprouting, and he snarls as hard as he can in Actually Jennifer’s direction. 

“Please,” She scoffs. “Relax, I don’t need your kids. Just the parents. After I’m done with the guardians, I can move onto the warriors, then the healers, then finally bring the power back into—”

“You are such a cliché villain,” A voice says from the entrance of the basement. Derek can’t hear or smell him, so ironically, he knows who it is. Stiles steps into the basement.

“Stiles,” Scott mumbles.

“Stiles!” Allison smiles.

“Stiles?” Derek says.

“Eat mistletoe, darach bitch.” He pulls a jar out of his pocket, unscrewing the cap, tossing the contents right into Actually Jennifer’s face.

She screams and starts clawing at her head. When Derek sees her face, it is a botched up version of what was looking at them awhile ago. It looks like something monstrous. Less human. She turns to Stiles in anger and charges.

“Look out!” Derek manages to say, but before Actually Jennifer could even get close to Stiles, a fucking cockatiel flies into the basement and transforms into what is probably a full grown lion. It brings Actually Jennifer to the ground with a sickening crunch of its claws against her body, and she lays on the ground, limp and motionless.

“That’s a new one,” Allison says.

“He’s a Familiar,” Stiles makes his way down into the basement, watching the lion shrink and turn back into a cockatiel which then flies to Stiles’ shoulder. “I got him last year.”

“What?” Derek says. 

“Hi, Derek.” Stiles smiles nervously.

“I thought you were just a magician,” He says slowly.

“Well, I’m also magic for realsies.” Stiles tells him. “Surprise?”

“Stiles is m’magic contact.” Scott slurs from the side.

“Oh,” Derek says.

“I hate to break up whatever it is I’m breaking up,” Allison starts. “But do you think you could get us out of these chains?”

“Yeah, sure, totally.” Stiles claps his hand together. “So, who’s got some chain cutters?”

\---

The Sheriff had some chain cutters.

Stiles had called the Sheriff’s department saying that he’d been out on one of his totally normal midnight walks when he saw this lady dragging his best friend’s body through the woods. He followed her to a basement in the preserve, when a mountain lion attacked her. Turns out, this crazy lady was the serial killer who’d been killing people these past few weeks, funny story right?

Thank god the Sheriff apparently knows about Stiles’ magic.

By the time the Sheriff’s department had arrived, Stiles had magicked his way through the basement, making everything look a whole lot normal than it actually was. Well, as normal as potential serial homicide could possibly look.

Stiles walks up to him after a deputy had taken his statement and starts with, “Hey there, werewolf.”

Derek raises an eyebrow. “Hey there, emissary.”

“Technically, I’m a witch.” He says. “Emissaries have duties to a singular pack. I just sorta bounce around the place looking for jobs. Taking down evil witches is my thing.”

“So you’re leaving?”

“What? No!” He says quickly. “I mean, even without the darach drama, I was thinking about staying anyways. Plus, the Nemeton has already absorbed sacrifices, so that thing is gonna be spewing out magic like a fire hydrant. I need to keep that thing in check.”

Derek hums. “You knew I was a werewolf didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Stiles scratches the back of his head. “Sorry about me knowing and you, uh, not knowing. About me.”

“It was a spell right?” Derek asks. “It masked your scent, even your sound. Jennifer had that too.”

“Yeah,” Stiles nods.

“Why?”

“Scott told me you had this stigma against magic users.” Stiles shrugs. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I don’t hate magic or anything,” Derek sighs. “I just think you guys are sort of annoying.”

“Well,” Stiles grins. “It’s a good thing I’ve got that down already, huh.”

“Yeah, sure.” Derek rolls his eyes but he finds himself smiling too. “You’re still going to Grace’s birthday party right?”

“Of course,” Stiles looks at him.

“Good,” He says, confidence thrumming inside him for once. “Maybe we could get coffee afterwards.”

Stiles just looks at him, jaw slack in disbelief. “Like a date?”

“Yeah,” Derek nods. “Like a date.”

“I don’t think I can wait that long,” Stiles says. “Grace’s birthday is like, _next week_. I’m gonna need something now.”

Derek leans in quickly, just to kiss Stiles briefly on the cheek. He revels in the way he can finally hear his heartbeat quicken, the way he can smell anticipation and excitement, the way he can feel the slight energy clouding him, the magic.

“You’re such a gentleman,” Stiles says, rubbing his cheek. “I bet you’re not gonna kiss me on the mouth until after our second date or something.”

“Or something,” Derek says. “You can handle waiting a bit.”

“Oh, like hell I can.” Stiles grins and Derek can feel it. Stiles grins and it feels like magic.

\---

Derek adjusts Grace’s tiara. Printed letters saying ‘Happy 7th Birthday’ taped onto it.

“Alright, princess. Get out there.” He tells her as she prances away, probably in search for Jamie.

“They grow up so fast,” Stiles sighs next to him. Derek heard him coming two minutes ago. He’s not a quiet walker.

“She’s just seven.” Derek says, turning to Stiles who is in his magician getup. Top hat, vest, and unassuming cockatiel. “Shouldn’t you be setting up?”

“I could do that with a snap of my fingers, this though.” Stiles pecks him on the cheek. “I can’t do with magic.”

With that, Stiles walks into the living room to pull rabbits out of hats and make balloons appear from nowhere. He can hear Laura somewhere in the house, laughing with Erica and Boyd. Scott is with Allison while she takes a video of Jamie walking around in a party hat. Later, he’s got a date with Stiles, and there are no murderers running around looking for human sacrifices.

So yeah.

Despite the dramatic beginnings, things have turned out pretty great.

**Author's Note:**

> my middle name is probably 'botched up season 3a-like au plots'. all bakery items have been taken from my dad's bakery menu, since a baker was the only profession i could write with minimal research.
> 
> im [actualbird](http://actualbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


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